Short version, anyway.
A friend said something yesterday about someone saying hurtful words. In commiseration, I answered her post with "hurtful words are the worst. It's the main reason I quit going to church altogether." Someone then responded to my response, saying she wasn't sure what church had to do with hurtful words, because "her" church spoke the "truth."
Well, I think she may have taken my comment the wrong way. I wasn't speaking of church in the preaching/teaching/edifying sense. What came from the pulpit was certainly appropriate for my belief system, and yes, that church does teach "truth" as I accept it to be.
I was actually referring to "church" in the greater, body of believers sense. Some of the most hurtful words said to me were uttered within the confines of a church building by members of a church congregation. My point was, things were said to me in the setting of "church" that in the greater world would never be spoken out loud, and it was because of "hurtful words" that I no longer attend. Basically, it's the first thing that came to mind when I heard the phrase.
In day to day life, you would never walk up to someone and ask them why they were underdressed (V. "Sunday" attire, not v. clothing). In my workplace, I've never been accused of "inappropriate touching" when I've given someone a hug. I've never been wealthy or popular, which made school hard, but even with those strikes against me I never felt alienated by every single one of my peers--yeah, I faced the everyday hurts from the "in" crowd, but never everyone, all at once.
It was because of hurts like those that I left the church I'd been raised in as a child & went to another, more rural congregation. That was fine for a few years, until someone there said something to me so outrageously hurtful that I literally ran away and never came back. I won't say who or what, that's not the point. The point is what was said was the sort of thing that makes me to this DAY wrack my brain to figure out why that person thought what they were saying was in any way, in any sort of situation, appropriate to say.
So, two strikes, you're out. After 19 years of hurtful words, I left. I don't regret it. If you ask my daughter about Jesus, she will tell you He is the Son of God & lives in her heart. She's as "Saved" as I am, and if she chooses to go to church later on, I will do everything I can to make that happen. But for me--I am serving the Lord in my life, but from my home.
9 comments:
I followed your link to this blog. Lately God has been laying the sins of the church (as a whole) on my heart. The worst part about that is, being that I am a part of the church, I'm guilty too. You have a very good point, sadly church has become somewhat of a social thing that has gotten way out of whack. Why do we have such formalized performances on Sunday with big fancy buildings? Why aren't we out with the people showing Christ's love and actually following the life of Jesus? This is a tough thing to deal with. I do not blame you for leaving the church, I've been tempted to do so myself on a number of occasions. But God has called me to stay to bring change from within. Seems impossible, but through Christ nothing is. If you have a support group to build you up, there is nothing wrong with leaving. Praise God that we don't have to be in a church building to worship Him!
Thank you Sarah, that's really encouraging to hear.
Hi Mandy, I can totally understand where you are coming from having had a bad 'chuch' experience only this week and that between me and another elder. It helps to remember that we should be doing things unto the Lord and not other people. I have recently been reading a book called Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and I like what he says about the reality of Jesus rather than religion. All too often churches are self serving and that is when things go wrong.
Keep looking and testing and hopefully you will find a place where you can have fellowship without judgement.
Oh, sweetheart, you just haven't found the right church! I left too, because of that legalistic junk (I don't think Jesus had much to say about how we are dressed, but he had a whole lot to say about treating people differently because of how they were dressed!)
I came back though - now I am a part of the most wonderful group of brothers and sisters in Christ I could ever wish for. God will lead you to your own church family, if you ask Him (I keep having to remind myself, though, His timeing is not my timeing, it might take a while, lol)
Love you!!!!
Love you too Kate, crofter. Part of the problem is my own painful shyness when in new situations. There's a church here in town I've been wanting to try, I've vetted them thoroughly & it seems perfect for me, I just haven't had the, ahem, "cajohnes" to do it. Keep praying I find them. :-)
Ok,I'll try that again. Maybe a "slide in five minutes before the service starts, slide out five minutes before it ends" tactic would work, to suss the place out a bit more? Or maybe they have a small group (like a crafting group, or a women's breakfast) that you could visit first? That would give you a better idea of what the folks are like. Do you know someone who goes there, who you could go with?
Kate--pming you a response on FB.
OMG you don't go to church you're so bad!!
LoL -- ok, hopefully you know that wasn't serious.
I feel your pain too. I've found that even pastors and priests and elders and what not fall into this same trap of judging instead of shepherding, and it is a sad one.
like Sarah above though, I agree that one of the biggest groups who need to hear the true gospel message are those who are actually attending church. So I too "rough it in the trenches" to bring this message to the ones who truly need it.
Anywayz--I understand where you're coming from and why you stay away. Just stay grounded and find a good support group cuz it's near impossible to go it alone.
Wow, that wasn't as encouraging as I had hoped it would be.
Umm... <>
--chad
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