Just once I wouldn't mind being the one nobody wanted to offend. I am so sick of the haters--don't take a picture of me, don't quote me, don't tell anyone I said that totally innocuous thing. People I choose to be around in my life are the people I want there and actually give a damn about and I'm, GASP, proud of. If you're so offended by that, well, I'm sorry, but that is your damage, not mine. I'm sick of biting my tongue and editing my thoughts and my very personality to the point that I'm becoming the troll under the bridge just so NOBODY will be offended.
If I take a picture of you, guess what? It's because I like you. I like having you in my home and in my life, and I like showing you off to other people because I think you are a beautiful person and I'm proud of you.
If I talk about you in a status update on facebook, guess what? It's because I like you. I'm amused by something you said or did and I think you are clever.
If I don't want to enter into an argument with you about something I feel passionate about, be it politics or opinion or whatever, guess what? It's not because I'm not strong enough in my stance. It's because I don't see the point. I'm not going to convince you, you're not going to convince me, and not engaging in a battle of wits isn't because I don't have an argument to bring to the table, it's because I'm not about to waste my time convincing you of something that we've clearly both assessed the angles of and come to different conclusions.
I live my life out loud in many ways--but for every out loud thing, I guarantee you there are 500 things no one will ever know about me. The things I say and post on a public forum are the things I actually feel are not going to spark controversy or negativity, and I get deeply hurt when someone wants me to police them simply because they're not comfortable enough to own who they are to me. If you don't want to be in my life, fine, but if you do, be flattered enough that I care so much about you that I want to say that part of my life out loud.
Taste is subjective. Thoughts are subjective. Every course of action you choose is one that you think is the right one, based on the evidence in front of you. If I screw up, I'm sorry, and I'll be the first one to admit it. But I'm not going to get a waiver signed for every picture I take, every word I say, and every time I talk about another person, particularly if it's in what I think is a flattering way. I don't go around bashing people on purpose and I don't post something I think is unflattering, be it a picture or a quote, because I am so afraid of hurting people's feelings--but even with that, I still manage to somehow offend every person I love.
My instinct is to give up, to be the troll, and to tell everyone to go eff themselves. But you know what? The people who freak over stuff like that are the ones with the problem, not me. And I am constantly reminding myself to worry about the plank in my own eye, and not the speck in theirs. (Yes I just got Biblical on you.) I know my own insecurities and they are many, and it takes all my energy to handle those. I can't go around handling yours too. If you've got a problem, deal with it, but don't try to make it my problem by telling me it's my fault unless it really, truly is.
End rant.
2 comments:
Hang in there babe. I can't really think of anything that seems perfect to make you feel better, but know that I love you, no matter what you think. You know you can be candid around me. If I ever make you feel otherwise, please, LET ME KNOW!
Anyway, I love you. Hope your evening goes better than your afternoon.
high five. I feel the same way.
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