Eggy face

Tessa had her first sleepover "party" (as in: more than one child) this weekend. It was in celebration of her 9th birthday at the beginning off the month. She had her two best friends, Alara & Jessa. Alara is Jeremy's friend Dave's kid, she's 7 and a little; Jessa lives in our building.



Alara, Jessa, & Tessa

They did pretty well together. All 3 are "only" children...Alara has older almost-step-siblings, and Jessa has a much younger sister....so as you can expect, there's some pretty strong personalities. I think Alara felt a little left out at times, just because the older two have such a nearly-unspoken rapport & are around one another constantly. But Tessa, ever the peacemaker, did a good job mediating when things did get tense. She chose activities they'd all have fun with, like playing Band Hero:



They call themselves "Past, Present, Future"....a girl band in the making...look out Bangles!

They watched some movies, snacked on pizza and stayed up til 10:45. The room was a disaster by the time they were done playing in the morning (I have a picture, but it's scary) but they had pancakes for breakfast and played some more. Both girls helped clean up before they went home.




Pancake breakfast!

It was fun, and exhausting, and we'll do it again....when I've forgotten how tiring 3 little girls can be!!

I will say this: it often amazes me, the maturity level and grace with which my daughter can conduct herself. In addition to her peacemaking skills, she also displayed the ability to compromise, to follow through with instructions, to be a good leader, and to be a good hostess. Before her guests arrived, and without prompting, she cleaned her room; set up places for her friends to sleep; created "goody bags" out of her own belongings (little erasers, silly bands, pencils, and the like); took a bath, and dressed up in a skirt "so I'll look nice & be a good hostess." She's an amazing kid.

And then she does something like today, when she got paint all over the counter, had to change her clothes 3 times because she got stuff on them, and wiped her egg-covered face on my hand-knitted couch throw. You know, I don't even really mind stuff like that. It's good to have the reminder that she is, after all, only 9, and she has a lot of growing up to do.
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I've moved on from knitting baby hats to knitting a baby sweater with no particular purpose in mind. But I've not gotten very far. Jeremy bought me Plants vs. Zombies for the xbox for my birthday (which is tomorrow), so I've been latching on to that like some sort of twitchy crack addict. I can only play a level or two at one sitting though because my eyes get tired. But it's very fun.

Inner Turmoil

An online friend is going through a rough time right now, and another friend was giving her some encouraging words. "His crazy actions are only a reflection of his own inner turmoil, not a reflection of you....."

How often do we do that? Take our own inner turmoil and project it onto our loved ones. Instead of realizing it's our own crap that needs dealing with, we start to take it out on those we love--she's not good enough, he's not following through, they need to get it together....

I know I do it, and I'm holding myself accountable. I'm trying to learn many lessons at once this year, but the biggest one is "when to keep my mouth shut." Too often I speak before I think, especially to fill a gap in conversation. I'm not perfect at it yet (really, who is?) but I acknowledge that I am working on it.

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In other news...I knit two more baby hats.



Don't look at me like that.

Of Blogging and Babies

I forget I even have a blog. That's why it takes so long between posts. It's not that stuff doesn't happen, it's not that I don't think a lot of great stuff that should be written down (even if I'm the only one who ever gives a crap about it), it's just that...I honestly forget I have this forum. I'll try to get a little better at it.

Thankfully my camera is functioning the way cameras are supposed to again. I thought it might be the battery, and was given one as an early Christmas present. Well, that charged for forever and it still wasn't working. So I formatted the memory card. Well, I lost video from Tessa's talent show last spring (VERY sad about that) but hey presto...the camera worked again. So, that might help toward my blogging, because I can do stuff like this:



I'm on a baby hat knitting kick. It helps that there's been like, 3 baby boys born/about to be born in my immediate social circle, all this week. (Yes, I know one of those hats pictured above is pink & lacy, but that's for an in-kind trade I'm trying to arrange.) I'm currently working on the 4th one, another girl hat because I knit two blue in a row and needed a change. I'll get to that 3rd boy one next--it only takes me about 3 hours to knit a baby hat.

But the whys of the baby hats goes even deeper than prolific reproduction or bartering for services. It's therapy in a way. It's been a rough month, emotionally, for people I know, and since no man is an island, it's affected me too.

A few weeks ago I got the call no friend ever wants to get--a very dear friend of mine's baby died. She was just about halfway through her pregnancy, so that's truly what it was. All the hard stuff goes through your head--what an awful thing to happen, how sad, etc. etc. but add to that the pain of not being able to hold her, cry with her, really any of that stuff that you do to be "a good friend." I know she knows I love her, and that I was praying (am still praying) for her, and that she could talk to me any time she wanted to, if she wanted to. But it still made me feel so inadequate as a friend, a bazillion miles away and I couldn't even cry on the phone because, well, it takes me awhile to let my guard down enough to cry when I'm actually sad (when I'm mad, that's something else). So I started thinking about knitting a baby "something." I didn't do it quite yet. But I've knit for each baby this friend has had, and had been planning a special project for this one as well.

Fast forward a few days, maybe 4? I get another call, from another friend. Her aunt has died. I knew her aunt, both the niece and the aunt are in my knitting group, Liz (the niece) and I are actually pretty good friends even outside group. Tinky used to knit baby hats for the hospital. Have a baby in Jackson County in the last 10 years or more (probably much more)? Chances are pretty high that the hat put on that baby's head was one of Tinky's. Baby hats, prayer shawls, I never once saw her knit for herself. And not just pink & blue, I've seen her use grays, purples, browns--anything soft and pretty. The thing about Tinky, is that even with her faults, she was unselfish. So I thought about knitting baby hats, for Tinky, because she can't.

And finally the happiest of reasons. New babies. Why would I need knitting therapy for that? Because I have a confession. I want another baby, so much that it's painful. I look at very young, unmarried people having a baby, and I resent it. Jeremy, Tessa & I struggle enough as it is (financially), and while you may say "if you wait to afford it, it'll never happen" I'm here to tell you that you can't live on love, and if it never happens, maybe that's better than the building resentment that would happen if we purposely made our situation more difficult with another life to support. Resentment in our marriage, resentment of the child we already have at having to share half of the little resources we have, resentment of those who know (or think they know) our situation and would wonder what we were thinking bringing another child into it. So we purposely don't. But that makes me resent some young couples even more, because it's a want down deep in my soul, and I can't seem to let it go.

So my therapy, and my penance, are baby hats. And I'll keep knitting them. For my brokenhearted friend, for Tinky, for the good of my soul. Because babies are pure potential, and that's a blessing that should be celebrated, no matter what.

Socks

I love fall, and what I love most about fall is staying warm with knitwear. (Surprise, surprise.)

I always intend on knitting sweaters, and I do, about one a year. But I get bored with the sweater long before it's done, or else it becomes too fussy for me to focus on, or I go somewhere and need a more portable project, or a baby is born and I need to crank out a baby sweater or booties in a hurry, or I get an idea I just HAVE to execute, or or or....well, everyone knows I'm anything but faithful to my projects.

But the type of project I love more than any other is socks. I've knit 40-odd pair over the last few years, and before that sounds like a lot, contemplate that historically, children were expected to turn out a couple of pair a WEEK to keep the family shod--40 odd in a lifetime is next to none by comparison.

Last night the urge struck, big time, to focus on a small, fussy sock project, but one that I didn't design or futz with. Enter the Embossed Leaves sock. (That's a link to a picture of a pair I made last year. For some reason pictures aren't loading in blogger right now. Hate it.)

It's a pretty pattern, well written (for the most part--I don't like the cast on or the pick up at the heel flap...so I changed those...don't look at me like that...) and entertaining. The pair I made last year were GORGEOUS but I refused to keep them...and man that was hard. They went to my Aunt Gina though, so I know they are well worn and well loved.

This year's pair is being made out of Lorna's Laces Shepherd sock in the colorway Edgewater. I don't know how well it's going to show the leaves, but I just love how the colors remind me of a fall sky--everything from the lightest blue to the darkest hues, with browns and greens of shadows thrown in...amazing. So I am selfishly keeping these, and in the meantime the action of knitting them helps me feel the stress melt away. I seldom knit any "sock" pattern twice (except of course for the plan vanilla version--shown here in 3 different yarns for Christmas presents a couple years ago)but that's how soothing I find this one.

Slacker!

I know, I know, I haven't published a post since May. What can I say, I'm a slacker. But now the fall is here, and inside hibernation is beginning, and since it's raining and I've already had my walk today....

The last few months, encapsulated: SUCKED. If you know me, you know I've been in poor health; without going into too much gory detail, my guts are poorly arranged, and so I'm in pain from food, and there's nothing to be done about it. So. If you see me and say "oh my, you've lost weight!"....don't think it's a miracle diet. I dropped 30 lbs this summer (which I desperately needed to do) but it was from illness, not choice; and keeping it gone (and losing more) is much of the same. Eating hurts, and in the words of the doctor whose patient said "Doc, it hurts when I do THIS!"....I "don't do that." I eat, I eat enough, I eat what I want; I just don't want much, and if I can get it in soft or liquid form, bonus. (Yay for soup season.)

Ok. Enough about that. I AM CRAZY PROUD OF MY HUSBAND!!!!!! He, with many of his writer colleagues, was recently published in the horror anthology "Open Wounds" (available here)and to kick it off was part of a very successful book signing and open mic event. I AM CRAZY PROUD OF HIM, did I mention that? He's also (along with the Lost Word Writer's Group) co-editing the "Potter's Field" anthology (publication TBA) and the group's next project, a horror anthology, is in the planning stages. In addition he is working on personal projects, though "none that I want blogged about."

Tessa has started her "3rd grade" year at DaVinci....still "Level 2" but in a different classroom then before (DaVinci levels don't really equate to traditional grades, but most of her work is at 3rd grade level and above). She is doing well, though reminding her to TAKE HER TIME on projects is a constant battle--we try to tell her that knowing the answers is no good if no one can read them or she doesn't write them down entirely. Most of her errors are of the "just want to get it done" speed through variety.

That's about it from here. Sorry no pics, my camera battery isn't holding a charge & needs replaced, and the funds haven't really been there to do so! I really should take care of that soon--what good is it having a great camera if you can't use it?

"My Mom is Special!"

What with moving, and being in the hospital, and life in general, I haven't done any blogging in awhile....but I'm not good at keeping things up-to-date anyway.

Tessa gave me the sweetest ever mother's day "paper" from school. (She also made a cute card, and handmade soap, but it's the paper that really got me.) It was a fill-in-the-blank question/answer style that she did as a writing assignment for class. I transcribe it for you now.

My Mom is special because... she knows how to knit.

I liked it when my Mom... knitted a sweater for me when I was four. I've knitted her dozens of things since. I guess I should probably do another sweater since that's what stuck.

My Mom can do many things! I think she's best at... knitting, sweaters, socks, and all that stuff.

My Mom has a pretty smile! I like to make her smile by... giving her knitting. Yes, of course I taught my child to knit. She just doesn't seem to want to do it nearly as often as I do. Give it time.

My Mom is as pretty as a...ball of yarn. She actually doesn't seem to get as excited about pretty yarn as I do. But I think she was going for the theme here.

My Mom is smart! She even knows... how to knit! Again, theme. :-) I do think it's great that she thinks knowing how to knit makes you smart.

Signed: Tessa Date:May 9, 2010

Top Reader

So....my kid? My amazing, beautiful, smart, friendly kid? Guess what she did?? SHE IS THE TOP READER IN HER SCHOOL. Yup. Tops. Aces. Two kids got picked for "tops," and she's one of them. AND SHE WON A BIKE.



Incredible, amazing, and astounding. I am so stinkin' proud of her. She worked so, so hard for this; she read away the weekends, went to bed early to read, read during meals, devoured everything in sight. And the school recognized & honored that huge committment.



GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TESSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Mandy