Springing....

Chevron & Lace is coming along nicely, I have one complete sock and most of another so of course I've sprung onto something else because I got a case of the shineys.

First, I came back into possession of some of my own homespun yarn and realized that the chances of selling it in the new & improved armory gift shop that's coming down the line are slim to nil, unless some other knitter sees it. So, I turned it into a pretty little spring scarf.





Isn't it lovely? I was thinking of selling it when the gift shop is running again. What do you think?

I also started a little multi-colored laceweight spring shrug. I'm hoping it doesn't take too long. Again, the pattern is more or less from my head, borrowing heavily from the yoke directions of a sweater I've done before. Which begs the age-old question, if you change the gauge, weight, style of finished product, and stitch pattern....at what point does it become a new pattern? Pretty much all I'm using is the method of increases and stitch counts. Hmmm.....thoughts, knitterly friends?

Chevron & Lace

"cowboys & angels, leather & lace, the salt of the earth meets heavenly grace...."




I found an old chevron & lace pattern in a stitch dictionary. I've kind of been obsessing over it. I used it in a blanket a few years ago, just a few repeats for a square. Then I saw it again, and thought I'd use it on a scarf (pic forthcoming; sorry, lace looks like ramen noodles til it's blocked.) About a quarter of the way through the scarf, one of my handknit socks went missing. So......

I'm hoping to actually write this pattern up. Too often I improvise things and then don't do the work to put pen to paper to make it a reproducible work. But this time I'm determined. (Anybody wanna help me with this?!?!) KnitPicks & Ravelry are both putting out calls for independent pattern designers; I know how to do it, 90% is execution, what have I got to lose?

For Lilly, and other newlyweds

My sweet friend Lilly, whom I've had the privilege of knowing for about a decade now, got married yesterday. I'm so pleased for her--she will be a good wife to her military man, and I wish them both all the best.

She asked me, as a person who's been married longer than a day, for personal advice I could give to her as a newlywed. This is what I told her, and I share it now with you:

*********

When you fight, and you will, do it constructively. Don't attack, don't tell him how he feels. If he needs space, give it; if you need space, take it. Don't lose yourself; protect those areas of interest that are unique to you, and take time for them. It's counter intuitive, but if you spend every waking moment focused on one another, you will burn out quickly.

Don't put any photographs in the bedroom. Don't fight there or talk about negative things there either. It's a really complicated space with a lot going on in there already. Keep it clean, as free of clutter as possible, and as peaceful as you can make it. Try not to do any tasks in there that go beyond the scope of intimacy.

Do not go to bed angry, even if you have to be up all night. Don't talk about the dissent if you can't find a reasonable conclusion; agree to disagree and hold one another until you've both calmed enough to sleep. Barring that (since he's military and won't always be with you), remember to tell each other you love each other.

You'll hear all sorts of things about open relationships and the myth of monogamy and so on. Don't listen. It doesn't work. I've watched many couples do this, and even the ones that say it works well for them appear to be unhappy at some point. Remember that still waters--both yours & his--run very deep.

Having a few secrets is healthy. Not talking about things that affect both of you, not so much. Learn when to keep your mouth shut and when to share what's in your heart. Not opening my mouth about the little stuff has saved a fight 9 times out of 10, and the little stuff always passes.

Find a community that uplifts you, be it a church, a military wives support group, something, and stick to your values within that framework. It's so important for women to support one another. Too often we're in some sort of "competition" to be the best wife and mom, instead of sharing quiet words of wisdom without judgement. There's so much pressure, and it's important to share the burden instead of making it worse for one another. Supporting one another will help more than you could possibly know.

*********

Congratulations again, Lovely Lilly, and may your life together be one which will allow you each to grow.

Pissed off

I was in a great mood most of the morning. Work was actually the best part of the day, because I have a certain amount of control. Then I got home, and then one thing piled on another, it didn't get to me until I realized how out of the loop I'm left by some people in general....and it's not the kind of thing I can ignore. But I don't really know what to do about it, because it's the kind of thing that even if I change my own attitude about it, it's not going to change anything, and the end result will be the same. I just hate not knowing what's going on with people I care about, and it's hard to realize that people I care for deeply don't think the same way about me.

You know how, when you go to a party, there's all these little subgroups? And maybe you got there late, or maybe you just don't know that many people, but you just can't break in to one? I'm not talking about being the center of attention, the one telling the story; that can be fun too, but I'm not comfortable enough a lot of the time for that. I'm talking about just standing on the edge, and being in the loop of what's going on.

I have days when I feel like I'm never in the loop. Like everyone else I know has this great relationship with one another, and I'm not even on the fringe of knowing what's going on. I find out big, important, life changing events on a public forum, or from someone else who's not even involved, and maybe they just didn't think of sending a quick email or (god forbid) picking up the phone (or even asking someone ELSE to pick up the phone FOR them)...and I feel hurt, like everyone else knew what was happening before I did. And then those in the know will send these cute little cryptic comments to one another, or in general, and everyone else seems in on the situation but me....

Say the life changing event (pregnancy, marriage, makeup, breakup, whatever) was simply announced to everyone at once on facebook, twitter, whatever, and there was no fore-knowledge by anyone....when did that become ok? I can see it for a big announcement like a pregnancy with your outer circle....I have 300 people on my friends list, I certainly wouldn't send individual messages to my husband's friend's mom or my friend's friend whose kids I watched that one time or anything like that....but my inner circle--closest friends, siblings, parents, nieces, nephews, close cousins--would certainly get a heads up before I posted it in a general feed. Even I just sent a group email a few seconds before a general post, they'd get the courtesy of those few seconds of knowing something big before that friend's ex-girlfriend that I used to hang with when they were dating did.

I'm not Emily Post, but I know rudeness when I see it. And my family may not be my best friends in the world, but they know what's going on in my life when something big happens. They don't have to find out second, third or 4th hand. The immediacy of social networking hasn't just taken away the personal touch--because it is possible to have a personal touch even within that framework. It's completely obliterated the sense that a personal touch is even necessary.

Someday, I'll have another kid, or change jobs, or move out of state--some major life event will happen that I need to tell people about. But I'm so, so tempted, in a fit of pique, to not tell those people who've marginalized me & mine this way. To let them find out in the most general sense, if at all. It hurts to be left out--it's one of the first rules you learn on the playground. It would be nice if people would remember that.

Ugh.

The stomach "flu" of whatever variety is circling around Jackson, and I'm here to tell you, it sucks.

So instead, you get to look at cute pictures. Because I feel too crummy to knit.

Tessa and her favorite kitty stuffies.

Reading her favorite series.

Cuddling her favorite kitty.

Sleepy Brynnie.

Oooo, a sunbeam.

Bullies

I dreamed of a bully last night.

She didn't look like a bully, with her angelic blonde curls and big blue eyes. And all the grown-ups thought she was just swell. But from my earliest memories until the last time I saw her in adulthood, she was always a bully to me.

We had the misfortune of crossing paths in many aspects of our lives, affording her plenty of opportunity to cut me down. I can remember specific instances of having my fingers stomped, being pushed down, all the physical signs of bullying. As she got older she became more cunning, and would cut me with words at every opportunity. When we were elementary aged, she told her friends that they couldn't be friends with me, and they listened..."We'll hang out now, but when ___ gets here, we're going to have to go with her..." In middle school, she told me I couldn't sing with all the other girls in the class as we said goodbye to a classmate "because you haven't been at this school that long and don't know her as well as we do..." Never mind that the one student who came into the class AFTER me was allowed....

High school was a little better, but only in that we didn't run in the same circles. I was still reluctant to make friends with "her" friends, and I think anyone new coming into our class may not have known that was the lay of the land, and probably just thought me shy. _____ took in those she deemed "cool," and I was clearly not one of them. By this time I'd learned to ignore her shenanigans for the most part. And of course she was the sentimental type when it came to leaving high school--while I couldn't wait to leave it behind and get my life started, she was in tears over it and even "apologized" for "not making my life easy." As if that made her the bigger person.

In adulthood we've only crossed paths once or twice, and both those times she's looked at me as though I were emitting a foul odor. But I have a different perspective now. I'm no longer the mousy little girl with her nose in a book who couldn't stand up for herself. I'm well-educated, employed in a job I love, married to a man I adore and have a wonderful kid, who is the absolute opposite of my childhood bully. Tessa is a peacemaker, when she sees bullying happening, she calls a person out on it, and when friends argue, she tries to mend the fences. She isn't a bully-er, but neither does she allow herself to be bullied, the way I did.

I'm confidant now that if I crossed paths with that bully, I'd be able to hold my own. But in my dreams, I'm 8 years old again, and she's getting the better of me.

It's a Heartache

It's been a sad few days in our community. There was a fatal crash in which an acquaintance in my "outer circle" (sheer fluke we hadn't met, we know about 30 of the same people) was killed & her unborn baby delivered not breathing. The baby was resuscitated but has thus far shown very little brain activity. She is going in for a (possibly final) EEG even now, and if there is no improvement, her father has elected to end life support.

Of course not only is this in the paper but it's also ALL OVER facebook & on his blog. The outpouring of support has been amazing. Someone started a "praying for Miranda" group on facebook, and today it grew from 3000 when I "joined" at 8 a.m. to over 14,500 people (at the time of this writing) leaving prayers & positivity. Simply amazing.

But then there are always "trolls"--those who go looking to bash/provide negativity. There are those in response to the newspaper articles, commenting things like "don't turn off the life support," as if the father came to that decision lightly, and "she could have been saved if they'd done a c-section in the field," as if they were on the frontlines and knew the situation. It's easy to let jerks like that get under your skin.

Things aren’t looking good for baby Miranda, but I am certain that the 14,500+ people who’ve joined the “praying for Miranda” group in the last 24 hours are lifting her family’s hearts.

For the record, when I say “pray for” someone, I only mean thinking positively about them. And yet there are 843 responses of “not attending” the event. WTF??? Come on, even my atheist husband knows that when someone asks for prayer, he may not actually pray to a deity he doesn’t believe in, but he sure does feel hopeful for them. And really, isn’t that the point? Why would you throw out the negativity of “not attending”? That’s even worse than Ravelry's “disagree” button in my opinion, which, as my friend Jennie pointed out, can be used for good. “Not Attending,” to my mind, conveys “not only do I not care for my fellow man, but I am also offended because apparently I’m unable to think outside the religious box and spare a positive thought for another human being.” If you don’t want to “attend,” then dismiss the event without answering. No one is making you click that button.

I don’t care what your religion is. I’m a co-exsist person myself who happens to be a Christian. I am very, very open to whatever it is in your life you follow, even if it’s simply your own heart & intuition. Hell, I’m married to an atheist, and I’ve friends of practically every mainstream following in the US, from Wiccan to Mormon to Muslim & everything between. It really isn’t that big a deal for me.

I’m not trying to force “prayer” or any other walk of life on anyone, and am open to whatever. I just believe this little girl’s family needs all the positivity they can get right now.

And if you have a problem with that...well...as my friend Audrey says, go play with some yarn.