Pride goes before a fall

I post elsewhere, on Myspace specificially, but I realize that there are friends who do not see that. So I'm going to try to be better about posting here.

Times are tough for everyone in Michigan right now. The unemployment rate is 9.6% currently in my town, and my family is adding to that number, as J is no longer working for Comtronics. This means we'll have to take lessons from many of my library's patrons and learn to not only be more frugal, which we were already doing, but also how to accept state aid and other help without feeling like charity cases.

This is a lesson in pride for me. For all my faults, which are many, pride has always been one of my biggest obstacles. Whether it's bragging about a great deal I got, or telling people about my home, or passing off my knitting skill as "it's nothing," I know that it's one of my most annoying personality traits. I was even told off by my youth pastor for it when I was around 19--one of the main reasons I never went back to that church, because I felt so badly and embarressed to death about the way I'd always been acting, and hurt that it was called to my attention in such an abrupt way. It was the first time that this huge sin of pride had been brought to my attention.

I've tried to work on the pride issue with God. He has been pointing it out to me over and over at different times in my life--when people have dropped by unexpectedly and I've had a messy house, when my motives weren't as pure as I thought and my offers of help were rejected, when I've fallen flat on my face after setting myself up for noticeable success. Like any small child, I've had to learn the lesson over and over, without it sticking.

And now is my biggest lesson of all. I know God has allowed this to happen for many reasons. My husband was unhappy in his position but unwilling to stretch out of his comfort zone to find something else. Our lives were being consumed by the monster of his job, as even when he would come home, part of him would still be there. I'm trying to be happy that he's out of that soul-sucking, evil place.

But now we're not able to afford our home, car, insurences, luxuries, or even groceries and toiletries. Not all at once, anyway. Our limited resources have to be dedicated to keeping a roof over our heads and wheels on the ground. This means going to food pantries and applying for food stamps to help cover the rest. This means asking for help for Tessa's Christmas. This means making EVERY present instead of just most of them. This means applying for, and hopefully winning, unemployment so that we can put gas in the tank so he can apply for work.

I know God will not allow us to starve, but He wants me to swallow my pride first. So I'm going to be working on that even harder in the next couple of months. Please pray with me that our family will be able to stay in our home, and that if we're not able to keep it, that we'll be able to accept it without too much heartbreak. Thank you.