Quick brown fox....

Nothing earth shattering to report. Christmas countdown continues, and although my Christmas spirit is somewhat lax still, I'm not as violently opposed to it as before thanks to some help & encouragement from friends.

Sprained my ankle this weekend, grr.

Be in prayer for my friend B's family, she just lost her grandfather. Not unexpected but still difficult.

Also be in prayer for N's grandmother, who is battling cancer.

That's about it.

Spirit-less

It struck me yesterday that Christmas is pretty much right around the corner. And I sighed.

Now, normally this isn't & wouldn't be my reaction. Last year was really, really hard to find the Christmas spirit--our lives had changed in a big bad way on October 30th with J joining the statistics, and pulling together so that there would be "something for everyone" to open on Christmas was difficult, but we did it.

This year I started squirreling things away early with the hopes that I'd be done by the time Christmas came. But as paychecks started getting stretched thinner & thinner, and as time has grown shorter, I look in that little box and think "where did it all go?" Birthdays came out of that box, and other occasions, and now there's really not much left in it except what was designated for a specific person.

I look at the astronomical amount of "started" Christmas presents on the needles and I literally feel like gagging. I don't know to finish it all & come out with my sanity & desire for pointy sticks & wool intact. I can literally sit & think of at least 5 projects ON the needles with intentions to be done by Christmas, with no less than another half dozen that "should" be made by then.

I just don't want to. I don't want to make presents out of necessity, and I certainly don't want to go to family functions empty-handed. Gifts are one of my love languages, and showering people with them are a way of showing them how much I love them.

That's another thing--family functions. The mere thought of them makes me want to tell work what days they are so that I WILL be scheduled for them instead of taking them off. I love my families, but the noise level, the questions, the "how-are-you-copings" and the well-meaning offers of help seems so overwhelming right now. I want to spend time with them but want to hide under a rock at the same time. I think anyone would agree that no matter how much you love & enjoy your family, being around them can be really emotionally draining, and that is what I feel as though I'm facing. It's really a struggle.

My prayer is that I will get into the spirit of the season soon, or at least STOP DREADING it. Because if I heard a Christmas carol or saw a poinsetta right now? I would start pricing bus tickets to "Anywherebuthereville" in a big fat hurry.

"Hey-hey-hey-hey....what's goin' on?"

Tessa's first day of school, Kindergarten, 2007

Silly mommy missed 1st grade photo op



Tessa's first day of school, 2nd Grade, 2009


Tessa's been in school about 3 weeks now, and she's doing ok, I think. She's in 2nd grade so things have become more "old hat" in a lot of ways. We've only been spoken to by the teacher once, thank goodness--she was talking too much in class one day last week & got in trouble.

For the most part she seems happy. She does math homework & reads every night. She's my kid, so she would read every night in any case, even if 15 minutes per night WEREN'T required. She's growing like a weed & I want to put a book on her head at times.

Things I have to do around the house for Tessa: fix her bed (the old side rail gave out, I'm thinking of rigging something involving using the frame for looks & cinder blocks for support), go through her old outgrown & stained clothes, bring down "new" clothes from the attic, go through her toys together & consolidate them, and clean out her closet.



J, NOT a recent photo, but he is rather elusive to get a shot of.

The job hunt is still on for J, and I think we're both discouraged on that front. But he is such an amazing support & strength. He was terribly sick this summer, and that hasn't fully resolved, but he has taken a lot of steps to manage the condition. He's also pretty incredible around the house, doing dishes, picking up, vacuuming, dealing with laundry, getting together meals, taking care of Tessa, managing our finances--I don't know what I would do without him, and I mean that quite literally. I love my husband so much, and I love the way he takes care of our family so well.

Things to do around the house for J: go through our clothes, toss/consignment/recycle what doesn't get worn, find better places for things like linens, manage the space in our bedroom better, get him a bedside lamp.



After I dyed my hair last night.

I'm doing ok myself. I'm in pain frequently, and I suspect a chronic pain condition. The testing is prohibitively expensive, however, so I am mananging what I can with OTC motrin & B complex, as well as changes in diet & exercise. I am somewhat actively working to lose weight by changing lifestyle habits, and I've lost about 10 lbs since I started doing that, so I am definately seeing results.

Work has been a challenge because we have changed our software recently, but I have been getting more hours as a result, so this paycheck should look pretty darn good. Mostly I've just been plugging along, trying not to think too much about anything.

Things to do around the house for me: sort & clean out what's in the attic, as well as in other "hidey-holes" around the house. We need LESS STUFF.

How to Arse Up a Sweater Back in 7 Steps.

I finished the sleeves of my sweater last night. The pattern I'm using, Mariah, calls for some really beautiful & complex cabling on the sleeves. I decided that I wanted to finish before winter, so I took out the obscenely time-consuming (albiet gorgeous) celtic knot cable which of course, is what the designer made the sweater around, so I'm sure she'd rather I not tell anybody that this is her pattern.

I kept the rather demure cable ribbing pattern on the cuffs & body of the sweater. Last night after finishing the sleeves I cast on for the back. That's when I began to make mistakes...

1. CO 126 stitches. Cleverly recheck the pattern, remove 2 stitches because the CO is supposed to be 124. Cut part of the ridiculously long tail leftover from my inability to correctly estimate a long-tail cast on. Happily check the chart, working across as I go.

2. Realize when I get to the end of the row & have 11 stitches leftover instead of 7 that I misread the pattern & arsed up the first 7 stitches. Cuss, rip them back. Start another episode of the tv show I was watching on netflix.

3. CO 124 stitches again. Breathe relief that I'd had the forsight not to remove the first stitch when ripping out, so my tail is perfect. Knit across, fixing the first 7 stitches & last 7, making an adjustment for a button band instead of zipper. Feel rather clever that the garter band I'm knitting looks quite nice.

4. Work happily away for 5 rows of the pattern. Make J take it from me at around 1 a.m. so I can get a reasonable amount of sleep, and because my left shoulder has been bugging me (maybe from cranking out stockinette sleeves for 3 weeks).

5. Go to bed. Fall asleep with a book in my hand, thinking absently about the sweater.

6. 3 a.m. wake up with a start, realizing that I'm knitting the BACK of the sweater, and BACKS DON'T NEEED BUTTON BANDS. Feel like a moron. Go back to sleep.

7. Wake up at 8, trying to decide if I have the heart to rip back the thing yet again. Contemplate a redo plan involving a crochet hook & my wits. Best case scenario--it'll work & take less time than a reknit, which would take about an hour. Worst case: I'll work all morning on it, arse it up further, have to rip it out anyway and reknit.

Excuse me. I have to fortify with coffee now, and dig out my crochet hook. I can see where this Saturday morning is going already...

UFOs

In knitting, we have these things called "UFOs," or UnFinished Objects. I've lost my kntting mojo(1) lately, which has lead to startitis(2), which has resulted in a plethora of UFOs. So when you ask "what are you knitting" and I answer "I don't know," this is why:

This pair of socks was all my passion early in the summer. They are to be a christmas gift. I have one totally done, the other done to about the point you see in the picture. I think I saw the bag with them somewhere around yesterday, but I'm not sure where I put it. It should only take a couple of days before finishing.

I have this sweater-in-progress SOMEWHERE I don't know where I put it. It's for Tessa's back-to-school, and I'm about a third of the way done--the yoke is complete, right now I'm doing the body, then just the sleeves & sewing on the buttons & I'm done. It should take me about a week, if I get cranking. If I can find it.

I've owed my friend Shawna these socks since Christmas. I have 1 & 1/3 done. Maybe, 4 days? and I'd be done.

Five of these blanket squares are done. I'm planning on 9 or 12, depending on how 9 look. Probably 9 is all I'll need, so I'm more than halfway. Not sure how much longer this would take, but I do know I'm making it way more complicated than it needs to be.

CJ's sweater needs to be done in time for Christmas. It needs both sleeves & buttons. Three, maybe four evenings would do it.

The intended recipiant of this hat will really love it, as well as the matching scarf, if I can crank it out in time for Christmas. The scarf is done, thankfully. Another 2 or 3 evenings & the hat will be too...

I could finish these socks this weekend if I really wanted to. There isn't much to go. It's a plain vanilla top down pattern. In my defense, I did put it back on the needles last night, finished the heel flap, turned the heel & started the gusset. So they are out of "hibernation" at least & will make someone a good Christmas present--don't know who yet.

I need to piss or get off the pot with this kilt hose. It will take awhile but I'm borrowing the pattern from my LYS(3) owner, and I'm sure she'd like it back soon. I started it because I was reading the Outlander books, but then lost interest with them, and with these.

This sock-weight blanket will take a lifetime, and that's fine. But I should work on it more than I do.

Don't ask. There are 3 yarns involved here that are hopelessly tangled in a box with unmatched socks. It's a sad state of affairs.

This is a sweater I want to make for myself. I've actually worked on it a little the last couple days. What you see are the heavily modified sleeves. I loved the celtic knot design in the original sweater, but wanted to finish sometime this year.

I started this sock to attempt to get my knitting mojo back. I hadn't knitted in so long that I felt like I needed something new (HA!).


And then there are the projects of which we will not speak.

So yeah, what am I knitting? I don't know. That's my story & I'm sticking to it.

(1) knitting mojo: the desire to knit, or knit something in particular, or at least voraciously knit to the point of finishing a project.

(2) startitis: a)the desire to knit so much that you start a hundred different types of projects; (b)starting different projects for different moods and never finishing them, resulting in a variety of projects on the go; (c)the inability to start a new project after finishing the old one. If anyone ever gets this form, will you please come sneeze on me? Thanks.

(3) LYS: Local Yarn Shop, in my case, the Dropped Stitch.

Beautiful Girl

My cutie patootie got glasses yesterday! When we went for our appointment last Sunday I expected to hear that she would need them at least for reading, but by the time she got to the 4th line & the optomitrist looked at me and asked, "She does know her letters, right?" I knew she'd need them full time.

She's nearsighted, just like me. Poor girl. But she's excited--I don't think she realizes what a lifetime sentence it is, she's just happy to be "like mom & dad" finally. I just can't believe how quickly the inevitable sneaked up on us.

I let her pick her own frames, just told her they had to be plastic, and she wanted "blue" of course. So she found the bluest ones she could. I think she's utterly adorable, but I am a bit biased.

I'm just glad that the time of the huge-bug-eye frames that I came up with is past. (No, I will not post pictures. If you were there, you remember; if not, I want you to think of how I look NOW, not then. Please not then.)

Oh, and I was fitted for a new pair too. It's so nice to be able to see all the little things, like the bobbles in the afghan my friend Meg made for a wedding present. I just wish that with that didn't come the sight of all the cat hair that Annie has shed on it.

Off to do laundry....

Resigned.

I turned this letter, along with my scrubs, into the clinic today.

****

Dear [various personnel],

After much internal debate, it is with regret that I tender my resignation from the position of Licensed Veterinary Technician at X Clinic, effective as soon as you deem reasonable. I have enjoyed working for XC and have no ill will in my departure. I thank you so much for the opportunities offered at the practice over the last three months, and I hope that we are able to work together sometime in the future.

Sincerely...

****

I thought I would feel horrible and guilty, but honestly, all I feel is peace. It's what I needed to do emotionally. It's what I should have done months ago. I've been thinking and praying for days, and it's what I think God wanted me to do. Otherwise, I don't think I'd feel this much peace about it.

I have my reasons, many of them, and some people have heard them. But in the end it's where I need to be right now, for myself and for my family.

ETA: I loved the clinic, I loved the people and clients, I loved everything about that. I just wasn't a good fit for what they needed. I want to clarify that--it's important for those who knew which clinic I was at to know that they are still amazing in my book, and there is really no ill will on either of our parts. They're great. My resignation was personal, not because of them.